well this is the weirdest christian youth retreat i've ever been to
i haven't written in a while, and i want report that lots of things have happened, but they really haven't. our little album is taking shape every day, i'm writing pretty steadily and i like the feel of everything so far. this weekend we had to drive to DC for an anime convention, and i had to introduce myself to people by doing all my old stuff, not talking as much. all i wanted to do was the new stuff, but all the the songs are in their intial stages, not ready for the live show. i shoulda just read them to the audience at my panel.

my panel was weird, fun, and short. i don't think anyone knows what to think of this nerd culture phenomenom, but i was literally sitting in a room with a five hundred or whatever thousand people in a room, and they were asking me what my favorite beverage was, did i have a pet. so strange. i just cracked jokes, and tried not to be too mean, which i can be when wits are presumably on display. and i was on two hours sleep. most people didn't recognize me because i'm just a voice to them, but there were at least four different groups of people that just kinda shadowed me the whole time i was there. i don't know why but i can't stand it, it's worse than being surrounded by people. obviously in brooklyn everything's normal and i'm nobody. but at this people were flipping out and acting all emotional around me. the sound was horrible i guess but nobody cared. the line for the signing was maybe one of the longest i've ever had to deal with. but i thought i did ok. one girl berated me for my scientology riff in the katamari song, but she seemed more interested in hugging. they all were big huggers with little animals on their heads, i was like, who is not loving these children, it was like a hurricane hit the land of oz. i told the audience it was closest i had ever come to being in a fellini film. they laughed, and i thought to myself, oh thank god... i can make jokes about something besides the reason they're all here. i think we made a nice chunk of change, john sadly had to drive home, but i wasn't much happier not sleeping in the back. i crawled into bed at dawn and even though i had only two hours sleep in so many days, i couldn't really sack out. i have these moments where i'm just zoned out and befuddled at how absolutely bizarre my life is.

so now we have nothing to do for two months except make an album. i really only have one month, and john has two, may we'll print, summer we'll tour. there's plenty to do when you own and run a business, seems never to end. i have the pictures and the dvd looming over me, as well as the album, sketches, favors for friends, etc. but it's good to be busy but free to do it however i see fit. today i have a screenplay to read. i've been asked to be in a movie and i think i can't turn it down. as i said to my panel, it'll make a good blog entry. i was up late last night reading christine. john pointed out a junk shop to me and i bought about five books for a few bucks, robinson crusoe, all quiet on the western front, huckleberry fun, jane eyre. i guess i lost intersest in dickens, and great expectations is such a mean book, i don't miss it much. i like the blatant archetyping in christine, the nerd, the jock, the fantasy at what cost. it's fun. stephen king makes me think of my brothers. they read that stuff like nothing. i'd start something IT and not get much farther than fifty pages. but i was little and the book was big. i thought to myself, the anger in this book is so real, even though, arnie's kinda possessed. i wonder if that's what my brothers liked about his stuff.

i've been lucky enough to improvise a lot and some sneaky fans have been showing up, some have come twice now. i feel like an hour is too short, my graduation harold will feel like a micro machines commercial. i'm playing again this week but then not for like four weeks. so come see me friday feb. 24th. 11pm ucbt 26th and 8th ave. nyc. some girls who didn't even know who mcchris was were all over me at mcmanus after seeing me in the show, they were wasted and prolly had beer goggles. but it still felt good, to feel funny at face value, respected for something other than stuff done, respected for something i'm doing. it's weird being the guy with the club soda. i think that being drunk for me was alot about taking my muzzle off, speaking my mind, no matter what. so now, i talk less because there are always so many mean things to say and i'm not drunk or stupid enough to say them. it feels great to not make horrible mistakes, to not have that easy out of, hey i was drunk. at the same time, there's less chance, less adventure, less courage. you really have to go back to the basics. drum up courage out of nothing.

yesterday i was happy driving down the eastern seaboard. we passed ellicot city and i was taken back to a year ago, valentine's day, i was smitten with a single mother, i was having some of they best sex of my life. everything was creme brule and luxury, impulsive spending. this year it was an exit sign that flew overhead, and little else. valentine's day, i went over to a friend's house and played condemned on his 360. i thought it was pretty lame so i made a bunch of jokes. and if memory serves i was the only one laughing. it's starting to also befuddle me as to why i'm single. when i go from something like a line of girls who want hugs and pictures to solitude, stephen king and brief passages of teenage fondling. i'm starting to feel like johnny's little brother in johnny dangerously. "johnny if i don't let laid soon i'm gonna die!" but it's tough. everyone's a groupie or a snob. leaves me in the middle with jack shit. i should be able to last a little longer. sometimes the heat of an affair long past can quietly smolder and hiss, like resilient embers beneath the ash.