srsly xo

last night we pulled into the stephen's institute, the van covered in dried gray slush, all the finger graffiti from new mexico gone. the city skyline was in perfect view and the windows were all filled with what i call the jar jar color, orange plus pink. a color of general uneasiness, but comforting, the color of fish guts. the campus was weird tucked away behind hoboken's main strip. i fell asleep in the van with the heat turned on listening to fresh air. occasionally i'd open my eyes and watch the sunset in the skyscraper windows, or i'd just watch the wind twist the trees against each other. it already felt like we had finished tour, even though there was still one show to do. thankfully a good number of punks showed up, my friends from astoria. i see them as a homebase now and they feel like a young family of mine. i have no friends in new york. it was sad in a way because everything was the last. the last time we do this song, the last time we do this joke, i don't think anyone was quite ready to not want tour to end. except maybe john. his hard drive died just before the show and we did the set with his ipod. the irony of that is mind staggering. i was convinced we were gonna crash on the way into the city, damn hard drives. i don't quite know what to say about tour. i was talking with a friend trying to sum it up, but i think it needs stewing. i know i feel very proud of myself, i feel like i can handle almost anything, now that i have this to look back on. it's dawn in queens and i'll be flying to virginia today to sleep for a million years (watch me not be able to sit down.) my bag has primarily my xbox, my ps2, and some socks. i think that's all i need. i'm leaving my clothes in brooklyn. warm sweaters and flannels await me in my parents' home. i didn't buy a return ticket because i don't know when i'm ready to let this all start up again. ever just want everything to just stop like in that movie, clockstoppers? that's where i'm at. it's weird the the country seems kinda frozen and white now, stuck in time just for me. expect thank you's and all kinda of new stuff in the next few days as i'm not very good at relaxing. i need to regroup and look back.